


Let Me Go

by AgentCatt



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, caring partners, lil bit of panicking but eh, self hatred, this one's hard to tag to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 22:09:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10228571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentCatt/pseuds/AgentCatt
Summary: Like a day or two after the season 14 job.Felix doesn't really like himself and realizes he's an asshole and just wants to die and push everyone away, but neither Mase or Locs will let that happen, so they try to help. Something like that. It's sad. I cried while writing it.





	

 

Felix has been laying in bed all day, complaining about his ankle. It’s his fault he got shot. Wasn’t careful enough. Locus has been sitting at the kitchen table, going through important things on the tablet. Mason is making dinner for the three of them. He’s the first to notice Felix hasn’t tried to pester them in over an hour.

“Sam?” Mason looks over towards the table. Locus just grunts in response. Mason rolls his eyes and asks, “Can you go check on Isaac? He’s been unusually quiet.”

“Isn’t that a good thing? He’s probably sleeping.” Locus doesn’t even bother looking up. He just continues scrolling through stuff.

“Even when he’s very tired, he doesn’t sleep at this hour. Can you go check on him?” 

Locus sighs and gets up. He leaves the tablet there on the table as he heads to the back bedroom. He notices the door is almost closed all the way. Just open enough to get a finger through. He didn’t do this and Mason’s been cooking, so Felix got out of bed and closed the door himself? Without complaining? Doesn’t sound like him.

Locus stands quietly in front of the door, listening in. He hears nothing, but the occasional sniffle here and there. Curious enough, he opens the door slowly to find Felix not in bed. He’s sitting in the corner with his eyes shut. His wounded leg straight out in front of him, resting on a pillow. His other leg is pulled in close to his chest. One of his knives lay next to him, covered partially in blood.

“Isaac,” Locus tries not to startle him.

“Go away, Sam.” Felix doesn’t even open his eyes. He just keeps them closed, not moving, calm steady voice.

Felix hears Locus leave. He lets out a sigh of relief. He actually listened to him for once. That’s something that doesn’t happen often. He opens his eyes to pull the knife closer to him. Just in case one or both of them come into the room. Doesn’t want them taking the knife from him. Then leans his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. The pain doesn’t feel as bad now that he’s cut his thighs.

Locus goes to the kitchen to gather the first aid kit. Mason asks why he needs it and Locus tells him why. Mason immediately turns everything off and follows Locus to the back room. Felix hears their footsteps. Makes him take a deep breath. They’re going to make him talk.

Locus sits next to Felix. He opens the first aid kit. Mason sits on the bed, so he doesn’t overcrowd Felix. They’ve both guessed what this is, but don’t want to push it. He could completely shut them out.

“I’m going to clean your wounds,” Locus gives a heads up before actually doing anything.

“No, you’re not going to touch me.” Felix brings his leg as close to him as possible, closing off his body to Locus. Just glaring at him. 

“Isaac,” Mason sounds concerned. That’s not very usual of him. “Let Sam clean your wounds.”

“No.” Felix isn’t backing down. 

Locus sighs and quickly takes the knife away from Felix’s side before he could even react. He hands the knife to Mason to be taken away and cleaned. 

“Hey! That’s mine! You can’t take that!” Felix doesn’t try to get up. He just sighs when he knows they won’t give him his knife back. “I want my knife back,” Felix mumbles to Locus when Mason completely leaves the room.

“You can have it back if you let me clean and bandage your wounds.” They won’t give it back. Not until he’s feeling a little bit better. 

“But I don’t want to be touched.” Felix looks like he’s going to cry. Locus doesn’t like it. Neither does Mason. They’ve never really seen him like this. 

“Let me clean and bandage your wounds then I won’t touch you again. Promise.”

Felix things for a solid minute before he slowly lowers his other leg to reveal more cuts than they thought he had. The cuts are all over his stomach and thighs. 

“Oh, Isaac.” Mason gets up, leaving the room to get a small bowl of water and a washcloth. Felix slowly repositions himself. He doesn’t like the fact that they’re both being so nice. He doesn’t deserve it.

“Why?” Locus gets all the bandages ready. 

“It made the pain stop.” Felix can’t look at him. He just can’t.

“By creating more pain? That doesn’t seem very smart of you.”

“It helps.”

Locus takes the bowl from Mason when he comes back in. He sets it next to him and rings out the washcloth. He starts to go to clean the cuts on Felix’s stomach when Felix stops him, looking scared.

“I’m not going to hurt you. This will probably sting, but my intentions are not to hurt you.”

It takes him a few seconds to finally let go. Felix closes his eyes. It does hurt. There’s no lie there. But Felix feels he deserves this, so he doesn’t make a sound. 

“Isaac, can you tell me why?” Mason asks.

“Already told Locs.” 

“Basically to make the pain stop,” Locus tells him when he has to try to clean out the washcloth.

“What pain?” Mason asks. Felix just points down to his original wounded leg. “Bullshit. What pain?”

Felix shakes his head. A tear falls and he quickly wipes it away. Can’t cry around them. Can’t tell them the real reason. It’s better to just push them away. It’s not like they actually care. They’re just here because they feel they have to be.

Locus finishes cleaning him up and putting bandages on the ones that are most likely to get infected if Felix doesn’t take care of them. They all know he won’t. 

“All done.” Locus shows Felix that his hands are away from him. Felix slowly brings his leg to his chest, wincing in pain. Locus sighs and gets up, taking the bowl and first aid kit back to the kitchen. Mason moves to the spot on the floor.

“You can tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing to say.” Felix tries to reposition himself so he’s more comfortable. Doesn’t really work, but he tries. 

“We’re partners. You can trust me.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong. All I know is I really fucking hate myself, you guys are lying, and I don’t want to be touched.”

“We’re not lying when we say anything to you. We care about you.”

“No you don’t. Locs doesn’t either. He’d much rather have me dead than around him. You, I haven’t quite figured out what you’d rather have.”

“I don’t want anything different. I just want you two to be okay. I like being here with the both of you. There’s never a dull moment with you around. It makes life interesting.”

“Nice lie.”

“It’s not a lie. We both love you. No matter how much you can annoy us. I wouldn’t want a life without you.”

“Don’t you hear the shit I say though? I do nothing but bicker and call both of you mean shit. I’m a terrible piece of shit and I don’t deserve to live.”

Locus had been standing in the doorway listening in. He walks into the room completely and sits next to Mason. 

“You say shit because you’re anxious or angry. You bicker because it’s who you are. Do some of the things said hurt? Sometimes. But I understand why you do.”

“That doesn’t give me a free fucking pass to speak whatever the fuck I want. I am a fucking piece of shit and you both know it.”

“You can be.” Mason states. “But you aren’t always. Remember the case before the last one? How you basically saved both of our asses when you didn’t have to.”

“Yeah but-”

“Or that time you went out of your way to get a kid an ice cream because he was short money wise.” Locus adds.

“That-”

“Or how about that other time you helped Sam through a panic attack?” 

“None of this erases the bad! Nothing’s ever going to change. It’s just going to get worse!” Felix can’t hold the tears back anymore. 

“We’re partners. That’s never going to change. Even if it starts getting worse, you can’t shut us out.”

“Watch me.” Felix would get up and walk away if it didn’t hurt so much to stand. He can’t exactly put pressure on the bullet wounded leg. That was evident when he shut the door earlier. Before they came in here.

“We’re not leaving you. You can push us away all you want, but we’re staying right here.” Locus blatantly tells him. 

“I’m going to go finish cooking dinner and bring it in here, but otherwise, listen to Sam.” Mason gets up and leaves the room. 

“I’m not eating.” Felix wipes his tears away.

“You are. Even if I have to force you.”

“You can’t make me. I don’t deserve to eat.”

“You need to eat.”

Felix doesn’t respond. He just stares at the wall. Well, if he could see. Tears make everything blurry sometimes. He hears Locus sigh. It’s all true though. He doesn’t deserve to eat. He doesn’t deserve them because he’s such a fucking asshole. He just doesn’t deserve anything but his death. And they won’t let him do that. 

Mason comes back a bit later with two plates. He hands the two to Locus before heading back for his and silverware. When he comes back, Locus starts asking for Felix to eat. Felix just keeps refusing, so Locus looks to Mason as to say it’s his turn.

“Isaac, can you please eat?” Mason asks. 

“No.”

“Please? If not for yourself, then for us.”

Felix mumbles to himself before taking the plate. “Pitiful reason.” He takes a few bites.

“It got you to eat, so it’s a good reason.”

“Whatever.” Felix eats at least half of what’s on the plate before setting it down. They figure they can’t get him to eat anymore for now, so they don’t push it.

 

Hours of sitting on the floor pass by. Felix has slowly calmed himself down enough to not be so terribly negative. He’s also okay with touch. Sam and Mason figured that out when he crawled into Sam’s lap and put his legs on Mason.

It doesn’t take long for Felix to fall asleep with his head against Sam’s chest. He carefully picks Felix up, with the help of Mason, and put him in bed. He stirs slightly when his major heat source is taken away from him. 

Both Mason and Locus undress down to what they wear at night and lay next to Felix. Felix moves slightly close to Locus without moving his bad leg. Mason cuddles up to Felix. They hope he feels better in the morning, but something tells them that he won’t be that much better. He’ll be fine enough to not show it, but inside he’ll be thinking everything they say is a lie. 

“We care,” Mason whispers into Felix’s ear before getting comfortable and falling asleep himself. Locus is the last to fall asleep. 


End file.
